Thursday, 3 August 2017


A couple of months ago I wrote a post titled 'Doing Enough VS Doing Too Much' in which I discussed the constant internal battle I am fighting, as I forever flit between being overworked, so as a result taking a well deserved rest, to then panic that I am not doing enough. Since then I have overcome a lot of the worries I mentioned in that initial post. I have been offered two fashion PR placements and am now a few months into the second internship of the sandwich year of my degree, and on the whole feel super proud and happy with the progress I have made in my self confidence as well as adding that all important experience to my CV. But despite these achievements, I still have this niggling feeling which I can't seem to shake when it comes to working, and that is that I am never doing enough. I jotted down a couple of lines on the subject in my daily journal and thought it might be worth writing a little follow up to my previous post to assess and hopefully address the issue.

The primary reason I'm so worried about not doing enough (whatever 'enough' really is) stems from the fact my current placement is part time, and I therefore spend Monday-Wednesday interning at Temperley, to then travel back to Cambridge on the Wednesday evening and hopefully be waitressing every Thursday and Friday. Working for only half the week on my placement is really getting me down, despite the fact I initially asked if this would be a possible format for my hours and also really REALLY love being home for such a large part of the week to spend time with my family and friends over summer. I invest my Thursday's and Friday's into part time work and blogging and YouTube content creation so realistically I know I'm not being lazy, it's just impossible for me to shake the negative feeling that feels success is synonymous with a busy lifestyle. I never used to have a mindset which was intent on making me feel negative for simply switching off, and I do really wish I could give myself more credit because in reality I know I am working super hard. It's not always possible to be consistently at a fast pace in life.

I know I'm not alone in feeling that I can only feel successful when I'm busy, and I think it's such a shame that so many people struggle with this equation which really doesn't make sense. I know from my previous post that my worries about doing 'enough' really stem from wanting to do well educationally and therefore working constantly at sixth form and university to ensure I had put as much into revision and assignments as I possibly could, even if this was at the mercy of my mental health and general wellbeing. I often see tweets from other people sharing similar thoughts, and I really want to readdress the balance in my brain that insists business is a measure of success, because realistically I know this is not the case. I have always said it's better to work harder than longer but somehow my mindset has shifted slightly now that I can't get immediate gratification from my own academic success and am instead relying on my placements to fill me with satisfaction. I suppose in a way that's why I'm trying to place so much emphasis on blogging and producing content for my YouTube and Instagram so frequently, as perhaps having that extra control in areas that are just 'mine' is important in allowing me to feel successful. Feeling proud of myself and in general being happy with the work I'm producing is a huge factor in making me content in life, so I'm going to put my best efforts in to producing what I can, when I can, without the pressure that I need to be working 24/7 to be doing it well. Of course my current lifestyle is never going to not be busy, as realistically I am juggling a number of things at once, but I think readdressing my thought processes when I am lucky enough to have some down time is really needed. 

Let me know if you struggle with a similar problem in your life; I would love to know how you deal with it! 

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